Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
