If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
