i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
