***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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