I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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