Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
