can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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