they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
