Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize