first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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