why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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