you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
