how can u be prego again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
