chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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