My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize