1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
