Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
