No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
