We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize