Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
