you traded sex for a burrito?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
