WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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