Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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