There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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