I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
