Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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