it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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