I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize