im so drunk with asians
where?
always
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
