Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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