Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
