I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
