Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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