We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
