How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
