I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize