One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
