His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
