They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Too much gin, very little bucket
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
