New invention idea: vibrating tampons
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
