What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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