Cold hands, warm shart.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
