We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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