So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize