I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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