I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
