I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
