he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
