While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
