Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
