I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
