He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
