I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
