Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
