a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
