what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
