Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
