it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
