Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
