I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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