I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
