My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize