this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
