you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
