I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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