Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
