So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize