Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
