I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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