my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
