So drunk its hurt
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
