those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
