WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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