my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
