talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
