Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
