What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
