Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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