if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
