In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I accidentally had phone sex last night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
