i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
