Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
