i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
