Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
