i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
