Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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