it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
