I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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