did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
