Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
