Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize