this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
