So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
