Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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