No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
