What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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