My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
