I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
