he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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