i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
