I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize