I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
