just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
