when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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