Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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