either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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