I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
