I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
