My friends, they love my intelligence
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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