nut hugger
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize