Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
