just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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